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Jesus suspended for wearing cross at work
Jesus of Nazareth was suspended today after wearing a cross to work. Simon, also known as Peter, or Rocky to his mates, sales manager of a small collective of preachers and miracle workers, said their...
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Jesus still working on ‘difficult’ second coming
With his fans getting increasingly impatient for the follow-up to his era-defining live performances, management acting for global megastar Jesus Christ were yesterday again forced to confirm that the...
View ArticleJesus quits as Messiah over questions about his belief in Lib Dems
Lord of the universe and carpentry wizard Jesus has resigned as leader of the Christian faith, following a furore over his belief in the Liberal Democrats. The Lamb of God admitted that questions...
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Modern-day Moses receives Commandments 2.0 on iPad tablet
The Christian world is celebrating today after the direct, unadulterated word of God was passed down to a Nuneaton man in the form of an updated set of commandments, saved on a brand new Apple iPad...
View ArticleDoctor who signed Jesus’ death certificate struck off
A doctor is facing professional ruin after a man he pronounced dead was later seen walking around Galilee in perfect health. The disgraced medic says that he didn’t have time to look closely at the...
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‘Is this cellulite in an ancient picture of Mary Magdalene?’ asks Daily Mail
After analysing a previously undiscovered picture of Jesus on the beach with his disciples, experts hired by the Daily Mail have been able to draw some shocking conclusions about ‘the bearded,...
View ArticleChurches to open despite two-metre distancing from Jesus
The government responsible for a near-catastrophic covid-19 response has announced that churches and other places of worship are set to reopen from 15 June. A taskforce including faith leaders was...
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Crucifixion of Jesus ‘may have been a DIY accident’
Newly discovered evidence suggests that the crucifixion of Jesus Christ, presumed to have been ordered by the Roman prefect Pontius Pilate, may in fact have been a tragic accident caused by Jesus...
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